WARNING: Unnecessary ranting.

Let me start off this angry/pathetic post with a quote that I love very much and pretty much sums up my life:

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said 'Journeys end in lovers meeting.' What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said 'love is blind.' Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space. Yes, you are looking at one such individual." -The Holiday

I've come to the horrible realization that I'm just straight up not good enough in any aspect of my life. This is not an exaggeration, either. School? Pretty good, just not good enough. The scholarship I/my parents want requires straight A's throughout all of high school. Guess what? not possible, because I got an 80.2% in my AP class last quarter and would have to get a 100% in the class to get an A on the semester grade. Speech? Not good enough. Didn't work hard enough before a tournament, didn't hit my moment right, not blocking it the right way, jsut straight up not talented enough. Boys? DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED. I am sure as hell not good enough for any guy. If I was, I would not be used by boys as often as I am. Not skinny enough, pretty enough, funny enough, or "girlfriend-y" enough. I wish I could write about this big problem I have right now, and why I'm so hurt and dejected and angry, but unfortunately it's a secret. And it's killing me.

Moreover, even worse, I feel like my friendships here in the AZ are becoming more and more falsified. Having my BFF J Scribz visit from New Hampshire this weekend was SO sososososososo great and much needed for me, because I can actually talk to her. I feel like the two people that actually get me and relate to me and talk and listen to me are on the east coast. Damn you, east coast...

Sorry this post is so angry and selfish. I just can't really help it right now, because I feel so neglected. Also I love the movie The Holiday. I wish something incredibley romantic would happen to me. I'm sick of being in a bad mood because I'm loveless.