My posts have lost significance.

A text I just recieved from Emily:
"Well i was just htinking of how it seems like no matta how much i keep getting to know about your life, there's still like a BAJILLLIUN more things ta know and how i just can't figure out why some people dislike you and then i decided that you may or may not be the most well known person in our grade. And how i'm like WTF how did i win this friendship. Then i wonder if i Am like . . . POPULAR too?! That is all."

HI BETCH, THANKS FOR THE LOVE. In my opinion, our friendship is a win on MY part.







P.S. Note to self: must cease using smiley faces in texts. Men percieve it to be flirting. I iz not flirting. Just being friendly.

BLOGGING

It's so unnecessary to call someone out via blog. Especially when you're really blatant about it.

:)

"I'd walk through hell for you.
Let it burn right through my shoes
.These soles are useless without you.
Through hell for you
Let the torturing ensue.
My soul is useless without you"

"What's a crush to do?"

I'm seriously obsessed with my friends. They awe me day in and day out. My life will never get boring with them. :) And they still like me even after they realized I'm a lot less cool than they thought I was. THANKS GUYS

LOLpointless

It's time I start using my blog to ramble more. I like to talk, in case you don't know this, and I just feel like talking right now. I decided today that I may or may not be obsessed with every male I work with. My supervisors, Kyle and Marcus, are two of the funniest people I know. I used to not like Marcus, but he's gotten so much cooler as we've hung out at work the last few days. There's this kid, John, who works in the cafe, and he's one of those awkward, lurking boys. AKA me in male form. Really, he is. We get along great, and he makes me food when I get really hungry. Steven...... is not really good looking or anything...... (lolz how embarrassing would it be if he found this?)....... I don't know. The people I work with make work bareable. And the best part is, I get paid to hang out with these funny, awesome, amusing, entertaining people. I work my ASS off at work, and I know I've made an impression as a hard worker, which is great. Because I AM a hard worker, and it's excellent getting recognized for that. I'm leaving for Boston in 16 days... and that's crazy! It's come up so fast! YES TO VISITING THE EAST COAST! And more importantly..... muhhh br333333zzzzzzzyyyyyyyyy! Also, this summer has been really really great so far. It's so nice being with my friends. It's so nice having a job. It's so nice doing summer schools (lulz JOKE). I really like working out. It's great. I hate waking up, but it's worth it. Literally, the only reason I'm trying to get into such good shape is for West Point. Yeah, I'd loooooove to look good in a swim suit and have a rockin' bawdy, but that means a LOT less to me than my dreams for West Point. LOLmotivation. I'm planning on buying an iTouch tomorrow. Time to treat myself. I haven't spent any money earned from work yet, and this will be a great thing to do. :) P.S. Today, I showered at Carly's. While I was getting dressed, I noticed a hicky-ish thing on my neck. But it's definitely NOT a hicky. At all. I think a vampire visited me in my sleep. It hurts. :(

Blessings in abundance!

I would like to take this time to break out of my normally moody blog posts and inform the world of the many blessings I have in my life.

001. My pops. Father's Day made me realize how grateful I am for my dad. There are so many people around me who have fathers who are never around, don't give their children the time of day, don't care about what they're doing. My dad is so wonderful. He may be odd and strict, but he has taught me to strive for excellence. He has taught me to be the best that I can be, to raise my standards. He pushed me to do student council, he has been pushing me to consider West Point my entire life. It's incredible how much he supports my dreams, and making him proud is the best feeling of satisfaction in the world. I love you, Dad! Thank you, and you deserve the best Father's Day.

002. My incredible friends. No, really, my friends are incredible. Stefanie lives over 2000 miles away from me, but she is closer to me than any friend I've ever had. She will be the highlight of my summer and there is nothing in the world I love more than spending late nights watching movies, crying together, spending days shoppping, and reading on the Harvard campus. She truly is an extension of me and I can honest to God say I would not be who I am without her. Emily has made my year what it is, and she seriously is the friend I've needed this whole time in Arizona. She has improved my sense of humor BY A TEN FOLD (lolz what's a ten fold?), and she has shown me what true friendship is. I can't even verbalize what she has done for me and how much she means to me. She has given me such a mature friendship, and I think literally nothing can hinder our friendship. Tucker texts me just to remind me I'll always have a friend in him. And he always does it at the perfect time. He's seriously like a brother figure to me and I feel so blessed to have such a caring friend. I've never had a "brother" before, and he's so understanding. Dillon is my other half. He makes me life so much better in every aspect, I can't even express what he has done for me! He has been my only solid friend in high school, the one who hasn't changed, the one who continues to love me despite my mental insanity. I know he'll always be there for me, and I know he'll be there for me for the rest of my life. I could write NOVEL about my friends... but I will limit it to just this.

003. My sister. I don't even feel the need to expand on this topic because it is clear that I have been blessed with a best friend as a sister. We hate each other a lot of the time, but she means the most to me out of anyone I know.

004. S&D and Stu Co. Call me lame, but I feel so lucky to have TSTDC and student council!! Speech and debate is just so motivating and so inspiring, I feel so blessed to have found an activity I love so much and something I can submerge myself in. And I don't care how stressful and sometimes pointless student council is, it's such a great venting/relieving mechanism. I may or may not be controlling by nature, and stu co is such a great way to put that to use. (...right. Now I feel really lame for posting this. Don't judge me.)

005. Life experiences. I feel so lucky to have experienced everything I have in my life. Some of it has sucked, but I'm 16 and already have experienced so much of love, friendship, loss, and disappointment. I have learned so much in such a short amount of time. I've had such mental growth over the past year, and I am grateful for every single thing, sucky or not, that has happened to lead me where I am today. I feel like such a strong person. And I'm so grateful for everyone who has helped me become who I am and for everything that has happened.

Not everything I blog about is about you.

"I wasn’t good enough for you, I know that. I was in love with you, but I realized I didn’t give as much as I should have. Being in love is one thing, but being love is a higher level that you deserved. I’ll be sorry for the rest of my life. We’re different people now, but I’d give everything for one last chance to give you the world like you gave it to me."

"Words fall through me and alway fool me and I can't react."

Random Thoughts:

I am SO FREAKIN' SICK of Taylor Swift. Before I started working at Makutu's Island, I would have called myself a legitimate fan. But all they play at work is her music. I hear all of her songs at least twice a day and I'm seriously about ready to strangle Tay Swift herself.

My dad just bought me a West Point t-shirt online. It makes me really happy and it's really encouraging knowing how bad he wants that for me. My hopes of going to West Point have been renewed lately. I didn't think I would ever be in the physical shape to even be accepted to West Point, but all I've been doing with my days is working, summer school, and working out. I'm feelin' good, man! I just hope I don't disappoint my father if something goes wrong.

So, does anyone else out there, ANYONE, hold significance to this day like I do? There's really only one other person that should. Maybe I'm just a nostalgic freak with an excellent memory. I think it's really interesting when I look at how the last two years of my life played out. I honestly can say they were the most unpredictable two years ever. Every aspect of my life has changed. I love it and I hate it.

Emily comes home from her England excursion today. Thank the Lord Almighty.

I have been rather peaceful lately, which is strange considering my circumstances. I am learning to be happy, even when I'm alone. This is something I have wanted to accomplish since middle school.

+/-

My posts have been really shallow lately. I'm sorry. I don't want to indulge on every detail in my life, because most of them are sad. The good news is that I have really great friends who always pick me up. The bad news is that one of them lives in Boston and the other one has been in England since the end of school. The good news is that Danie and I are working out hardcore tomorrow. The bad news is that my heart is always sad. The good news is that So You Think You Can Dance is incredible this season. The bad news is that your words hurt me so much, and I don't know why you would root for someone's unhappiness. The good news is that I love my job. The bad news is that I sometimes hate my job. The good news is I'm still Sammi. The bad news is that I don't know who that is anymore.

Just a reminder.

This is a reminder to both myself and all of you. This is my all-time favorite quote, and it moves me everytime.

"Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, 'you owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky."

Pessimism

I feel like everything in my life ends in hurting. I'm sick of it. I wish something infinitely good and permanent will come around.

(Untitled Post)

I may or may not have just made a really poor decision.

Fuck. I'm just a giant mess of emotion, indecisiveness, and patheticness. I need to get out of here. Forget about everything. Go to Boston. Be with my best friend. I need to figure myself out. I need help.

"Just once I want to fall in love and not have it hurt so bad in the end. Actually can I just have a love that doesnt end? Or is there no such thing?"

I stumbled upon this while lurking other blogs. See... good does come from lurking! :)
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, ‘What does ‘love’ mean?’

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’
Rebecca- age 8

‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’
Karl - age 5

‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.
’Chrissy - age 6

‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’
Terri - age 4

‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss’
Emily - age 8

‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.’
Bobby - age 7

‘If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,’
Nikka - age 6

‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.’
Noelle - age 7

‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’
Tommy - age 6

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’
Chris - age 7

‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day’
Mary Ann - age 4

You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’
Jessica - age 8

Eccentric

I love it when people describe me as eccentric. It mean I have accomplished in being different. And I really, really love it. :)

People are people

People are inherently good. Even people who you thought sucked, people who have hurt you before, they are good people too. I think a notion of kindness from a stranger of the past is the single most impactful thing. So thanks, humanity, for being good to me. :)