I would just like to say

that I really love people. Just people as a whole. I think there is so much kindness and humanity around me and I really love it. So thank you for making me smile when I'm freaking out.

On another note, I am praying to the gods of student council that I am not voted out of office. Because, DEAR GOD, let's get real here. What would I do without student council? :(

Blehhh.

I miss Casey. He's been in San Diego all weekend, and we left on a really sour note on Thursday night. I'm just glad he knows how much I care for him. Being away from him makes me realize how lucky I am to have such a healthy, loving relationship.

,

"I thought it was cute that you acted like a kid, until one day you threw me away like I was a toy you got bored with." -Dear Old Love

I'm so weird

when it comes to this blog. I go through stages where I feel like I'm just dishing my problems out on everyone and I do not like it. And then I go through stages where I just go buckwild and wear my heart on my sleeve. I apologize for the inconsistency, friends.

"Silverlined Hearts" by Taylor Mali

I’m for reckless abandon
and spontaneous celebrations of nothing at all,
like the twin flutes I kept in the trunk of my car
in a box labeled Emergency Champagne Glasses!

Raise an unexpected glass to long, cold winters
and sweet hot summers and the beautiful confusion of the times in between.
To the unexpected drenching rain that leaves you soaking
wet and smiling breathless;
“We danced in the garden in torn sheets in the rain,”
we were christened in the sanctity of the sprinkler,
can’t you hear it singing out its Hallelujah?

Here’s to the soul-expanding power
of the simply beautiful.

See, things you hate, things you despise,
multinational corporations and lies that politicians tell,
injustices that make you mad as hell,
that’s all well and good.
And as far as writing poems goes,
I guess you should.
It just might be a poem that gets Mumia released,
brings an end to terrorism or peace in the middle east.

But as far as what soothes me, what inspires and moves me,
honesty behooves me to tell you your rage doesn’t move me.
See, like the darkest of clouds my heart has a silver lining,
which does not harken to the loudest whining,
but beats and stirs and grows ever more
when I learn of the things you’re actually for.

That’s why I’m for best friends, long drives, and smiles,
nothing but the sound of thinking for miles.
For the unconditional love of dogs:
may we learn the lessons of their love by heart.
For therapy when you need it,
and poetry when you need it.
And the wisdom to know the difference.

The solution to every problem usually involves some kind of liquid,
even if it’s only Emergency Champagne
or running through the sprinkler.
Can’t you hear it calling you?

I’m for crushes not acted upon, for admiration from afar,
for the delicate and the resilient and the fragile human heart,
may it always heal stronger than it was before.
For walks in the woods, and for the woods themselves,
by which I mean the trees. Definitely for the trees.
Window seats, and locally brewed beer,
and love letters written by hand with fountain pens:
I’m for all of these.

I’m for evolution more than revolution
unless you’re offering some kind of solution.

I’m for the courage it takes to volunteer, to say “yes,” “I believe,” and “I will.”
For the bright side, the glass half full, the silver lining,
and the optimists who consider darkness just a different kind of shining.

So don’t waste my time and your curses on verses
about what you are against, despise, and abhor.
Tell me what inspires you, what fulfills and fires you,
put your precious pen to paper and tell me what you’re for!

"That's a lot of sadness in one box."

Oh, nostalgia.

Les Mis

"The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only. The rest is only the rest, and comes afterward. Nothing is more real than these great shocked which two souls give each other in exchanged this spark." -Les Miserables

Downfall

So I've finally pinpointed my major weakness: imperfection. If I'm not good at something or if I'm not the best, then I have this horrible urge to not even try. I mean, people always ask me who I take on so much, AP classes, student council, and speech, and it's because I want to be good at everything!! I'm slowly realizing that I have to pick and choose. I can't be the best. My grades the quarter weren't so hawt, and that's the most important thing of them all. And I'm not even kidding, I've considered quitting speech because I feel like I haven't been a positive contribution to the team. That's just straight up irrational of me. I am absolutely terrified of failure. I wish I could just freakin accept myself. I have never a day in my life been satisfied with who I am because I feel like I haven't been a successful in any area of my life as I could be. I JUST WANT TO LIKE MYSELF. But God, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I just want to be okay with NOT being number 1. It honestly breaks my heart.

Dear Old Love

I would like to share with you my favorite Dear Old Love's that I have accommodated over the last months.

You know I can’t tell the difference between reality and fantasy. So I still feel loved by you.

I hate the fact that you made me feel so forgettable, but I can’t forget you.

As much as I want to hate her, I can’t help but admire her for making a brilliant boyfriend out of you.

You always threatened to break the kneecaps of the boy who broke my heart. But now there’s no one here to break yours.

When people ask what I saw in you, the only answer I can give is that I was on the verge of a breakdown, and you seemed okay.

Remember that time you said you’d never abandon me? And then you abandoned me? That sucked.

I loved the way you drank coffee, the way you drove through yellow lights, and the way you’d take and hold my hand in the middle of an argument.

The first day I met you you said, “I’m the coolest kid you’ll ever meet.” You were right.

I regret going home every night to make sure my dog was ok. She would have been fine without me—I’m not fine without you.

My wife wonders why I keep that old pair of jeans. It’s because I was wearing them the last time I was with you.

My expectations had fallen so low that when you responded to my last “I love you” with “I’m working on it,” I was touched.

I have a new girlfriend now, and I’m pretty happy. She’s not you, though.

You have a new girlfriend. I haven’t even changed my sheets.

Yes, I was comparing you to my ex the whole time. In the end, you couldn’t even make me hate myself like he could.

I know the distance is a factor. As is your inability to admit that I am a total babe.

When you said “I love you,” you forgot to add, “But I love drugs more.”

All this would be so much easier if I hated you.

Every time I describe you, I hate the person I’m talking about. But every time you’re within touching distance, I’m painfully enamored.

As it turns out, every song ever written is about you. I had no idea you were so popular.

I knew we wouldn’t last because you used the wrong version of “you’re” in almost every one of your emails.

Don’t assume I had nothing to say because I didn’t reply. I had a lot to say. I just didn’t think any of it would matter.

I know it got old for you, but I could have gone back and forth hurting each other forever.

I’m sorry I’m not her.

Some days I do not miss you. But other days.

I deserve better, but I don’t want better.

If only I could stop thinking about the person I thought you were.

:)

LOLZ- I thought I was done blogging. Well.... nope.


I don't think I have ever (yes, ever) been happier than I am right now. I am just head over heels for muh boy, my stress level is lower than normal, and my break hasn't been boring AT ALL. The only time I've really been home was to sleep. Let me take you through my break! Since I know you're all wondering.

FRIDAY- My d-bag of an uncle came in town with his family from Wyoming. I love his family, his wife and two kids, but my uncle is a JERK. He's really rich and all he does is talk about himself. He literally forgot who my sister was. Okay, my uncle has like 5 nieces and nephews total and he FORGOT one of them?! How self-absorbed do you have to be to accomplish that? Nonetheless, I hung out with my four year old cousin. He's a G. And then I spent the rest of the night at Dillon's prepping for teh tournamentz0rz we had the next day.

SATURDAY - I had a tournament at Mesa. It was fun. And after, me and some people went to Native. Coincedentally, it was karaoke night. Yep. I spent my first night of break singing karaoke with people including Tim Lee and a drunk Canadian named Tomas (pronounced Toe-moss).

SUNDAY - I'm pretty sure I just spent the whole day with Casey. I would just like to tell everyone how much I adore him, and how lovely he is. Later that night, we went to Dillon's and played Mario Kart on the Wii!!!!!

MONDAY - I also spent this whole day with Casey. We went to Dillon's (again) to play Mario Kart Wii. We all went to dinner at CK's and helped Dillon ask Paige to prom. And played more Mario Kart.

TUESDAY - I babysat for the majority of the day, and discovered that the people I babysit for had Mario Kart on Wii. Which gives me new motication to babysit. Just kidding.... a little. And theeeen, I went down to Brophy with Lauren and Paige to see the play they're putting on, The Baseball Show. It was cute. We went to Oregano's after to get some wings and pizza... and it was delicious.

WEDNESDAY - I also spent the majority of this day babysitting, but I went laser tagging with Dillon, Casey, Lauren, and Paige in the evening. I LOVE LASER TAGGING!!!! Dillon, Casey and I got some pizza and went back to Dillon's to play some Mario Kart (I'm obsessed). :)

And now today, I am going to a spring training game (WHICH I LOVE) with my three faves.

Anyway... I feel stupid posting all of that. Like anyone actually cares. Now I rememberd why I said I was going to stop blogging... because I feel stupid and irrelevent. Okay... sorry for wasting everyone's time... bye!

.......

This blog is dying. I just can't bring myself to write anymore. I feel like I'm being judged for what I say, and I hate feeling like I'm complaining. So... this blog will be dead for awhile. Until I get over this phase.... IF I ever get over this phase.

Sammi Unleashed

Y'all are crazy! I respect dreamers and everything, but there's a fine line between being a dreamer and being unrealistic. So, um.... that's all.

I miss my best friend.

Whud up, new obsession?

http://www.fmylife.com



THANK YOU EMILY NICHOLS.