Aye caramba!

I feel like I can't do anything right!

BEING SICK

sucks!!! :( But my birthday is in tres dias, and I'm so excited. I just wish my best friend was here with me. That makes me sad. I miss her so very much.

On another note, my grandma from Minnesota is visiting and I LOVE HER SO MUCH! She's so wonderful!

I think

I may be on the verge of the best thing that has ever happened to me. Oh God, I'm excited. :)

Superman
By: Joe Brooks

"There are no words, to paint a picture of you girl
Your eyes, those curves, it's like you're from some other world
You walk my way, oh God is so frustrating.

So why do I disappear when you come near,
It makes me feel so small,
Why do I blow my lines, most every time,
Like I got no chance at all,

If I could be your superman,
I'd fly you to the stars and back again.
'cause everytime you touched my hand,
You feel my powers running through your veins.
But I can only write this song,
And tell you that I'm not that strong.
'Cause I'm no superman, I hope you like me as I am

It aint no lie, I have to tell you how I feel, cause
Each time, I try it gets a little more unreal,
you walk my way, oh god its so fustrating

So why do I disappear when you come near,
It makes me feel so small,
If I could read your mind,
Girl would I find, any trace of me at all.

If I could be your superman,
I'd fly you to the stars and back again.
Cause everytime you touched my hand,
feel my powers running through your veins.
But I can only write this song,
And tell you that I'm not that strong.
Cause I'm no superman, I hope you like me as I am"

Aye caramba!

I had such a good weeked! I'm sorry my posts have been so scarce. My life is good and I have no complaints. :) I am in a mess right now but it will soon be sorted out because I know what my heart wants. I think I haven't felt the need to post so often is because I've stopped being closed off. I've actually started talking to people again and it has been so rewarding. That's all. :)

It's funny

how fast your life can change. And for once, I'm greatful for that. :)

Vulnerability

"Real love hurts, real love makes you totally open and vulnerable. Real love will take you far behind yourself, and therefore real love will devastate you. If love doesn't shatter you, you will not know love."

I've been super afraid of vulnerability lately. I've never been like this before - I've always been open with my emotions, never closing off, always telling people how I feel. Why this has happened, I don't know, but it's from a combination of two things: A. I feel like no one honestly cares. I feel like if I talk to people about how I feel, I'm just plaguing them with my problems. B. You always hear little quotes about being afraid to take down your walls because you fear hurt so much. I've never been like that. Ever. I've often caused hurt upon myself by staying stuck on hopeless causes. But honestly, I feel like if I opened up to any more hurt, I would just break. I feel so weak because there is so few people I trust. I hate being this way. I just wish my faith in humanity would be renewed.

Hey-

I wrote you a letter today. After looking through my stupid memory box under my bed, I felt as if I had a lot to say to you. Too bad you'll never hear it all because honestly I just don't have to courage.

"Love actually is all around."

Despite the fact that my life IS IN THE CRAPPER right now, I am everyday moved and inspired by the selflessness and generousity that surrounds me. :)

STAY CLASSY, AHWATUKEE

Completely contradicting to my last post.

I realized last night how lonely I actually am. I've been too busy to notice. I miss my best friends. And by that, I mean the two that moved to the east coast, over 2500 miles away from me, and the one that feels 2500 miles away from me. I am hurt and longing for my best friend back.

The worst was last night, laying in bed feeling completely heartbroken and realizing I have no one to talk to about this. No one could genuinely make me feel better. I just feel frustrated and hopeless, in a sense. I just need help. :(

Rockin!

I have such a good feeling about today/this week/next week/the rest of my life! :) Sorry my posts have been so shallow lately, I have not been dealing with many horrible struggles or struck with incredible inspiration. Despite the face that I am in over my head with school and speech and student council, I have been so happy and so optimistic! I am soo ready for anything right about now. :)

I wish

I could capture words the way the Spill Canvas does. SO BEAUTIFUL!

Self Conclusion
by: The Spill Canvas

"Fade in, start the scene
Enter beautiful girl
But things are not what they seem
As we stand at the edge of the world.

'Excuse me sir,
But I had plans to die tonight
Oh, and you are directly in my way
And I bet you're gonna say it's not right'
My reply:
Excuse me miss,
But do you have the slightest clue
Of exactly what you just said to me
And exactly who you're talking to?

She said, 'I don't care, you don't even know me."
I said, 'I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully.'
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

You make it sound so easy to be alive
But tell me how am I supposed to seize this day
When everything inside of me has died
My reply:
Trust me girlI know your legs are pleading to leap
But I offer you this easy choice
Instead of dying, living with me

She said, 'Are you crazy? You don't even know me.'
I said, 'I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully.'
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough
And all this cliche motivation, it could never be enough
I could stand here all night trying to convince you
But what good would that do? My offer stands and you must choose

'All right, you win, but I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight
I swear to God if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you'll never see it coming.'
'Settle precious, I know what you're going through
Cause ten minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too.'

Yeah we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets"

What the heck part III

There are just some things in my past that won't ever stop hurting. I don't understand why it still hurts even though I'm way over it and it's been so long.

I just want it to stop. :(

What the heck part II

I've been really into CHARACTER lately. I've been focusing on the essense and character of people. And I really like what it's brought me. :)

That's all! I wish the whole world thought the way I did, because it's so beautiful.

What the heck

You should see how many "draft" posts I have on this blog. Multiple times each day, I log in to write something but never post it. Why? Because I suddenly have this fear of being judged by what I say here. WHAT THE HECK, that should not be happening.

:(

I hope I get over this soon...

The good news is that I have a new friend who I enjoy being with very much. :)

My sister

is silly.

"I hope you had the time of your life."

I have an incredible amount of love for these eighth graders:

It was truly a blessing to have gotten to know these kids, because they are incredible. :)