Sunday, March 15, 2009
Downfall
So I've finally pinpointed my major weakness: imperfection. If I'm not good at something or if I'm not the best, then I have this horrible urge to not even try. I mean, people always ask me who I take on so much, AP classes, student council, and speech, and it's because I want to be good at everything!! I'm slowly realizing that I have to pick and choose. I can't be the best. My grades the quarter weren't so hawt, and that's the most important thing of them all. And I'm not even kidding, I've considered quitting speech because I feel like I haven't been a positive contribution to the team. That's just straight up irrational of me. I am absolutely terrified of failure. I wish I could just freakin accept myself. I have never a day in my life been satisfied with who I am because I feel like I haven't been a successful in any area of my life as I could be. I JUST WANT TO LIKE MYSELF. But God, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I just want to be okay with NOT being number 1. It honestly breaks my heart.
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1 comment:
Wow. You sound like me. I truly feel your pain. I am such a perfectionist that sometimes I take on huge jobs for fear that no one else can do any better than I can, but then I get stuck having to work so hard. And it gets really tiring to do so many things at once, trying to be perfect at them, and still trying to have a life. I'm sorry you're so stressed out. I do know what you're going through.
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