Dear Old Love

I would like to share with you my favorite Dear Old Love's that I have accommodated over the last months.

You know I can’t tell the difference between reality and fantasy. So I still feel loved by you.

I hate the fact that you made me feel so forgettable, but I can’t forget you.

As much as I want to hate her, I can’t help but admire her for making a brilliant boyfriend out of you.

You always threatened to break the kneecaps of the boy who broke my heart. But now there’s no one here to break yours.

When people ask what I saw in you, the only answer I can give is that I was on the verge of a breakdown, and you seemed okay.

Remember that time you said you’d never abandon me? And then you abandoned me? That sucked.

I loved the way you drank coffee, the way you drove through yellow lights, and the way you’d take and hold my hand in the middle of an argument.

The first day I met you you said, “I’m the coolest kid you’ll ever meet.” You were right.

I regret going home every night to make sure my dog was ok. She would have been fine without me—I’m not fine without you.

My wife wonders why I keep that old pair of jeans. It’s because I was wearing them the last time I was with you.

My expectations had fallen so low that when you responded to my last “I love you” with “I’m working on it,” I was touched.

I have a new girlfriend now, and I’m pretty happy. She’s not you, though.

You have a new girlfriend. I haven’t even changed my sheets.

Yes, I was comparing you to my ex the whole time. In the end, you couldn’t even make me hate myself like he could.

I know the distance is a factor. As is your inability to admit that I am a total babe.

When you said “I love you,” you forgot to add, “But I love drugs more.”

All this would be so much easier if I hated you.

Every time I describe you, I hate the person I’m talking about. But every time you’re within touching distance, I’m painfully enamored.

As it turns out, every song ever written is about you. I had no idea you were so popular.

I knew we wouldn’t last because you used the wrong version of “you’re” in almost every one of your emails.

Don’t assume I had nothing to say because I didn’t reply. I had a lot to say. I just didn’t think any of it would matter.

I know it got old for you, but I could have gone back and forth hurting each other forever.

I’m sorry I’m not her.

Some days I do not miss you. But other days.

I deserve better, but I don’t want better.

If only I could stop thinking about the person I thought you were.