Happy nerd day :)

Today is my favorite day of the year... NERD DAY! Not really but I like it a lot. :) There is an inner nerd in all of us. Embrace it ;)

I have been so beyond exhausted lately. I really just need a break. I'm barely home anymore and it's no bueno, mostly because I don't do so well without seeing my mom for long periods of time. Dependent? You bet I am. But really, my mom is my best friend. STORY TIME: Two days ago, my dad and I were talking about college at dinner because he had an appointment with my guidance councilor the next day to talk about scholarships/financial aid. I was telling him my big dreams: getting my undergrad in pre-med at U of A, then going out to graduate school for medicine on the east coast. He told me if I got offered a scholarship for my undergrad education out on the east coast, I should take it. I told him of course I would, no hesitation, but I don't know if I'd be ready to be so far from home at 18. Right then, I looked over at my mom and she had tears in her eyes. Naturally, that made me cry. So my mom and I are sitting at dinner, crying over the mere thought of being so far from each other. I'm so blessed to have such a close relationship with mi madre.

I have never read anything more beautiful.

I found this letter today. I recieved this letter when I was in eighth grade. EIGHTH GRADE. I read it now and can't believe I was ever loved by someone so wonderful and so gifted with words.

“Dear love of mine. I once promised you I would never said I was nothing. It’s true, I am something, but only when I have you by my side. Neither of us is superior over the other. We are both equals; we are both one. We are two separate personalities that clash. I will always be who I am, but you seem to make everything inside of me click. Everything seems to work better when I’m with you. I try my hardest to give you everything of mine, for it’s you’re who I’ve connected myself to. Whether it will be good or bad for me in the end, I don’t really care. All the pain in the world could be inflicted upon me, even by you, and if in the end, you are with me again, I know that it was all worth it. You are the only person who I don’t use my brain to deal with, Sammi. I use my heart, and it alone sends me back to you. I need you. Always and forever, I will love you. Until we clash again.”

Remember that PostSecret I keep posting? "If I ever fall in love again and marry, my future husband is indebted to you. Thank you for being an incredible first love."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Thanks for being my best friend all the time. :) HAPPY 14TH, LITTLE SIS.

I find it peculiar that I've never actually directly talked about my love life on this blog. Which is funny because that's kind of a big part of me (sadly). Stef and I had a conversation the other day about this, about our crazy romanticism and not having anyone to share it with. It's been five months now where I've been straight up single, and okay, I may be a little pathetic for complaining about that, but I don't like it. I just need companionship. I've had two major relationships in my life that have shaped me and given me the expectations I have today. And honestly, I don't care what anyone has to say about these past relationships, because they were so genuine and taught me so much. I really hate thinking about them, though, because it makes my heart feel so lonely. I really just miss having someone to talk to all the time, having someone who will listen to my day and my pointless stories. Someone who knows me inside and out and loves me all the same. Someone who knows when I'm sad, and knows exactly how to cheer me up. Once again, I can't complain because my friends do that for me, but we all know it isn't the same. I guess it can all be summed up through a single quote:

"I bet you've had a hard time walking into a room full of people on your own, right? Yeah. I know that. I know what it is not to feel like your in the room until he looks at you or touches your hand or even makes a joke at your expense, just to let everyone know... you're with him. You're his." -P.S. I Love You

I miss being someones. Love is so important to feel like you've lived a full life. I'm fortunate to have loved and been loved in return, even though I'm only so young, and I guess that has made me spoiled. Now that I've seen what love is all about, it's hard for me to settle for something less. Maybe that's my problem. Or maybe that's what's right about me - not settling for anything less than the best. Am I over-analytical or what? Haha, I wish there was a boy out there who could handle my crazy, wandering mind.

:)

I'm so excited for the week ahead of me. HOMECOMING WEEK! I have a fine gentleman scholar accompanying me to the dance, and yo quiero bailar toda la noche. I'm excited to finally get out of this bubble of anti-socialism that I call my house hehe. :)

I think the reason I've been so frustrated with myself lately is because the only person who relates to everything I say lives across the country. I can't talk to anyone else the way I can talk to my BFF Stef G, and it's so hard being so far, especially during times of frustration.

I really have nothing else to say here, besides I miss my best friend so painfully much.

"I still try... holding onto silly things, I never learn."

I should have known better! That's what I get for thinking with my heart and not my head. I'm going to go wallow in self-pity now.

A plethora of random memories.