Sunday, December 28, 2008
Have you ever
Saturday, December 27, 2008
2009
In 2009, my work ethic will inscrease.
In 2009, I will treat myself with respect.
Most of all in 2009, I will focus much more on what I have instead of what I had and be much less nostalgic (speaking of, nostalgia is such a beautiful word:"a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time").
Friday, December 26, 2008
IT'S THE
Rock Band... ROCKS. :) I love my sisters and today in general. I went to the mall and got cute stuffzzz. I love my best friend in the world, Stefanie Gardner, and my other best friend in the world Dillon Olmanson. :) Also Casey played Rock Band and Scategories with me and my sisters all night. I'm surprised they and my mom haven't creeped the hell out of him yet. ;)
I LOVE MY LIFE!!!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
I hate
Anyway, merry Christmas.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I'm so weird.
In other news, The Beatles are magical.
In more other news, I'm really weird. I've just felt weird lately and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I've been reflecting too much on the past year. Maybe it's because i'm going through BFF withdrawls (majorly). Or maybe it's just becuase there's no school and I don't know what to do with myself.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
"It lights up the whole sky."
Beautiful. :)
Monday, December 15, 2008
.
On another note, dating your duo partner is a horrible idea. Don't do it. Mine and Casey's work ethic on our duo is NONE right now and it's so frustrating!!!!!!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
"You don't know how lovely you are."
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Ugh.
WRONG.
TODAY WAS HORRIBLE!!! The two most important relationships in my life are failing me, my sister and my best friend. WHY, WHY?! Seriously, I'm more upset than I could put into words. I feel so much pressure to be close to perfect in school, my parents have been denying me the freedom I deserve, and the two people who I thought I could always count on both hurt me so bad today. I dunno why I'm so emotional lately, but I'm ready for all this shit to be done with. Really. I deserve a good break. A good break that lasts more than a few days at a time.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
PostSecret
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
I HATE SCHOOL!
But really.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Here's my two cents.
Speech and Debate
Student Council
The face that I'm going to Disneyland with speech in less than two weeks.
My sister
My best friend Stefanie
My best friend Dillon
My best friend Hannah
Two more weeks til winter break!
Christmas lights
Having a musical boyfriend, resulting in this beautiful song:
"Legitimately, i've never been free, till now.
You came by and you showed me why and how.
Sometimes, i'd know what i was missing.
Turns out all i had to do was listen
Seriously, i've never been me, till now
you saved me from all that i was, and wow
Sometimes, i'd know what i was missing.
Turns out all i had to do was listen
And if you want to know who i really am
Babe come on, just take my hand
You take me away...
And all i have to say,
is that there'd be no way
I'd live to see another day
If you were hurtin
Babe i promise i'll do anything just to keep us workin
Practically, i'm the one to be, cuz you got me, and i like the way that sounds
all the time, i'd see your face just melt, i swear that i've never felt this way... you've got me.
Sometimes, i'd know what i was missing.
Turns out all i had to do was listen
And if you want to know who i really am
Babe come on, just take my hand
You take me away...
And all i have to say,
is that there'd be no way
I'd live to see another day
If you were hurtin
Babe i promise i'll do anything just to keep us workin
Cuz you got me..."
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Ay!
Anyway this picture makes me LOL a lot and makes me so happy. We made it for a bio project in the beginning of the year. OH lolzzzzz so good:
Friday, December 5, 2008
AHH!
What I want to say:
1. Just be happy that he quit. Who cares the motivation.
2. I have been so sick the last two days and I HATE IT!
3. (piggyback off of #1... organized, I know): Please, let us be happy.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Do you know
In other news, Stefanie is beautiful and I am missing her more than ever.
P.S. I know we're only just beginning, but you are so important to me. I know this will be so beautiful. Thank you for accepting me as I am. :)
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Happy birthday?!
Anyway I have a lot of mixed feelings about my life right now. I'm just always so uneasy when new things come along. Probably because my trust was shattered from past relationships, and I'm super uneasy about trusting anyone new. It's funny. Because I compare to the time I was wrecked by a relationship in eighth grade versus the time I was wrecked by a relationship a few months ago. The huge difference I notice is that in eighth grade, I accepted and looked for help. Unlike the more recent one. In eighth grade, I kinda took that hurt as a change to strengthen myself whereas this time, I just kinda didn't do anything about it, resulting in this bottled up hurt and shattered trust. I thought I could handle myself. I'm more than okay now, but the aftermath of pented up anger/hurt and the uneasiness to trust is so horrible. And I don't know what to do.
P.S. That probably made no sense at all... Sorry for the sporadic word vomit. :)
Friday, November 28, 2008
BEING SICK
On another note, my grandma from Minnesota is visiting and I LOVE HER SO MUCH! She's so wonderful!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I think
Superman
By: Joe Brooks
"There are no words, to paint a picture of you girl
Your eyes, those curves, it's like you're from some other world
You walk my way, oh God is so frustrating.
So why do I disappear when you come near,
It makes me feel so small,
Why do I blow my lines, most every time,
Like I got no chance at all,
If I could be your superman,
I'd fly you to the stars and back again.
'cause everytime you touched my hand,
You feel my powers running through your veins.
But I can only write this song,
And tell you that I'm not that strong.
'Cause I'm no superman, I hope you like me as I am
It aint no lie, I have to tell you how I feel, cause
Each time, I try it gets a little more unreal,
you walk my way, oh god its so fustrating
So why do I disappear when you come near,
It makes me feel so small,
If I could read your mind,
Girl would I find, any trace of me at all.
If I could be your superman,
I'd fly you to the stars and back again.
Cause everytime you touched my hand,
feel my powers running through your veins.
But I can only write this song,
And tell you that I'm not that strong.
Cause I'm no superman, I hope you like me as I am"
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Aye caramba!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Vulnerability
I've been super afraid of vulnerability lately. I've never been like this before - I've always been open with my emotions, never closing off, always telling people how I feel. Why this has happened, I don't know, but it's from a combination of two things: A. I feel like no one honestly cares. I feel like if I talk to people about how I feel, I'm just plaguing them with my problems. B. You always hear little quotes about being afraid to take down your walls because you fear hurt so much. I've never been like that. Ever. I've often caused hurt upon myself by staying stuck on hopeless causes. But honestly, I feel like if I opened up to any more hurt, I would just break. I feel so weak because there is so few people I trust. I hate being this way. I just wish my faith in humanity would be renewed.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Hey-
Friday, November 14, 2008
"Love actually is all around."
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Completely contradicting to my last post.
The worst was last night, laying in bed feeling completely heartbroken and realizing I have no one to talk to about this. No one could genuinely make me feel better. I just feel frustrated and hopeless, in a sense. I just need help. :(
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Rockin!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
I wish
Self Conclusion
by: The Spill Canvas
"Fade in, start the scene
Enter beautiful girl
But things are not what they seem
As we stand at the edge of the world.
'Excuse me sir,
But I had plans to die tonight
Oh, and you are directly in my way
And I bet you're gonna say it's not right'
My reply:
Excuse me miss,
But do you have the slightest clue
Of exactly what you just said to me
And exactly who you're talking to?
She said, 'I don't care, you don't even know me."
I said, 'I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully.'
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets
You make it sound so easy to be alive
But tell me how am I supposed to seize this day
When everything inside of me has died
My reply:
Trust me girlI know your legs are pleading to leap
But I offer you this easy choice
Instead of dying, living with me
She said, 'Are you crazy? You don't even know me.'
I said, 'I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully.'
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets
I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough
And all this cliche motivation, it could never be enough
I could stand here all night trying to convince you
But what good would that do? My offer stands and you must choose
'All right, you win, but I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight
I swear to God if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you'll never see it coming.'
'Settle precious, I know what you're going through
Cause ten minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too.'
Yeah we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets"
Saturday, November 8, 2008
What the heck part III
I just want it to stop. :(
Friday, November 7, 2008
What the heck part II
That's all! I wish the whole world thought the way I did, because it's so beautiful.
What the heck
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
"I hope you had the time of your life."
It was truly a blessing to have gotten to know these kids, because they are incredible. :)
Thursday, October 30, 2008
"I've got an angel, she doesn't wear any wings. She wears a heart that can melt my own..."
She wears a smile that can make me wanna sing
She gives me presents
With her presence alone
She gives me everything I could wish for
She gives me kisses on the lips just for coming home
She could make angels
I've seen it with my own eyes
You gotta be careful when you've got good love
Cause the angels will just keep on multiplying
But you're so busy changing the world
Just one smile can change all of mine
We share the same soul
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh"
WHAT THE HECK, why do I have the biggest crush ever on someone?!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
"If they say that nothing is forever, then what makes love the exception?"
"The Special Two"
by: Missy Higgins
"I've hardly been outside my room in days,
'cause I don't feel that I deserve the sunshine's rays.
The darkness helped until the whiskey wore away,
And it was then I realize the conscience never fades.
When you're young you have this image of your life:
That you'll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife.
And you make boundaries you'd never dream to cross,
And if you happen to you wake completely lost.
But I will fight for you,
be sure thatI will fight until we're the special two once again.
And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together,
Our hands will not be taught to hold another's,
When we're the special two.
And we could only see each other, we'll bleed together,
These arms will not be taught to need another,
'Cause we were the special two.
I remember someone old once said to me:
"That lies will lock you up with truth the only key."
But I was comfortable and warm inside my shell,
And couldn't see this place would soon become my hell.
So is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face?
Well I guess the answer is don't do it in the first place.
I know I'm not deserving of your trust from you right now,
But if by chance you change your mind you know I will not let you down
'cause we were the special two, and we'll be again.
And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together,
Our hands will not be taught to hold another's,
When we're the special two.
And we can only see each other we'll breathe together,
These arms will not be taught to need another...
'cause we're the special two.
I step outside my mind's eye's for a minute.
And I look over me like a doctor looking for disease,
Or something that could ease the pain.
But nothing cures the hurt you, you bring on by yourself,
Just remembering, just remembering how we were...
When we would only need each other, we'd bleed together,
Our hands would not be taught to hold another's,
We were the special two.
And we could only see each other, we'd bleed together,
These arms would not be taught to need another,
'Cause we're the special two."
I know it's like depressing, but it doesn't make me sad even a little bit. It makes me happy. :)
Anyway I've been really optimistic lately. LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh and I'm really starting to like this certain boy. Life rocks, okay bye!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
"And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck to everything you are."
Anyway, before I start this long post, I would just like to tell everyone how amazing of an artist Maria Mena is. Listen to her. Her songs are seriously beautiful.
"Sorry"
by: Maria Mena
"Vague sound of rain
pierces through my song again
but I get distracted by the way his toes move when he plays
so I let it burn
I just poured my heart out
there's bits of it on the floor
And I take what's left of it and rinse it under cold water
And call him up for more
And I say baby, yes I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too
He said I'm sorry
so sorry
I'm sorry
so sorry
He grabs my wrists
as my fingers turn into angry fists
and I whisper why can't you love me, I'll change for you
I'll play the part
And I say baby, so I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too
He said I'm sorry
so sorry
I'm sorry
I am sorry"
I had such a great weekend! :) Let me break it down for you.
FRIDAY: Right after school, Danie and I were picked up by her daddy, picked up some pizza, and went straight to the movies. It's was Danie's sister's 8th birthday party and there were about 12 second graders waiting for us outside of the theater. After a nice picnic outside involving excited little girls, delicious pepperoni pizza, and orange soda, Danie and I went to go reserve seats in the movie we were going to.... none other than HSM3! OKAY, that movie is beautiful. No lie. It was so much better than either of the first two. And I am a giant HSM fan, so that's saying a lot. Zac Efron is a babe, all day everyday. Troy and Chad's dance number is my favorite scene of any movie ever. I could not stop smiling. Oh man. I will be seeing that movie multiple times in theater, no doubt about it. Overall, it was a very enjoyable way to start the weekend - watching Zac with a bunch of adoreable girls. After that, I went to Dillon's house where I ate more pizza (fatass) and worked on our duo act. Yes... the night before the tournament. Omg procrastination yay. But it was great, because all we do together is laugh. Laughing is good. :)
SATURDAY: Tournament day! Tournament days are seriously the longest days possible. I woke up at 4:20 am feeling really sick, most likely from all the junk food I ate the day before. So I went to the tournament feelings very sick and very unhappy. But as the day went on, it went away and the sickness was replaced the excitement and passion. :) I made it to the final round in both of my events, although I was a little disappointment with how I placed, but I am not complaining. There were a plethora of people who made this day what it was. Dillon Olmanson, because our duo act is/was a hot mess, and placing fifth was a surprise. Performing with his is a blast and he is my best friend! Nick Weinman, because he's the most generous person I know. He makes all of my days. :) Casey Cantor, because he endured my frustrations with me. Although our hard work didn't pay off as much as we had hoped, our motivation was renewed and I love love love love working with me. Zaki Aizaz, because although we fight during 89% of my life, he can put me in a good mood when I'm at my worst moments. And of course, the ever-so-classy Zane Waxman. I think that's self-explanitory. :) :) :) :) I <3 speech.
SUNDAY: I woke up at 7 am and wanted to die because I was so tired. I went to Starbucks with my pops and ordered a veinte iced quad extra caramel caramel macchiato mixed. Perfect way to start off the week. ;) Annie and Danie and Danie's dad picked me up at 7:45 and we went to Firebird Racing to take the SICKEST DRIVING CLASS EVER! Pretty much we got to drive all these sick cars and do different things with them. The first thing we did was drive around this obstacle course alone with an instructor while they tried to distract us. Fun stuff. The second one, Danie, Annie and I were all in the same car with this instructor named Trescott who was pretty much the bomb.com. There were three stop lights lined up next to each other in three different lanes. We were supposed to accelerate as fast as we could towards the three greens lights, and at the very last second, two of the lights changed to red and we had to drive into the lane with the green light without braking and without hitting any of the cones. I succeeded. Yeah. I'm the man. The third one we drove this sick Mustang. Our instructor was a stunt double who doubles on the show the Suite Life of Zack and Cody as Mr. Mosby!!!!!!!!!!! He was the man. Anyway, the Mustangs had these spring-loaded back wheels so the car skidded really easily. Pretty much we had to drive around this circular track and keep in control of the car when it skidded around the corners. During all of this, this media photographer was taking pictures of us, and after he came up to us three and asked if it was alright that he used the pictures for publicity. They were the best pictures! I will post them as soon as I get access to them. :)
Overall, VERY GOOD WEEKEND! This Friday, sophomore class stu co is doing a FUN-raiser (hehe) and this weekend I'm going to 8A camp! Downside: I have an APWH test Friday...
Peace. :)
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Busy busy busy.
This weekend (Oct. 24th-26th): Danie's sister's birthday, Red Mountain speech tournament, driving class.
Next weekend (Oct. 31st-Nov. 3rd) HALLOWEEN, and counseling for 8A humanities camp :)
Nov. 7th-9th: A special friend's birthday :), and the Tukee bowl.
Nov. 14th-16th: Dobson speech tournament
Nov. 21st-24thish: Chicago for Glenbrooks speech tournament :)
Nov 27th-20th: THANKSGIVING and possibley birthday party weekend.
Dec. 1st (not a weekend): My birthday :)
Dec. 5th-7th: Winter Trophy speech tournament
Dec. 12th-14th: Counseling for 8B humanities camp.
Dec. 19th-21st: California for Fullerton speech tournament
My life rocks. That statement is slightly sarcastic, but mostly not. :)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
MELODRAMA
Life
I would LOVE to be optimistic and say, "The best is always yet to come!" Unfortunately I don't know how much I believe that. I've had incredible experiences when it comes to love - both romantic and friendly. I've experienced the epitome of good when it comes to "good" people. I've experienced incredibley inspiring events spiritually, and (as lame as this is) I've had incredible success in speech. Really, I feel like I've been to the top, and it doesn't get any higher than that.
That. Scares. Me.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
I'm so sorry
Sunday, October 19, 2008
WARNING: Unnecessary ranting.
Friday, October 17, 2008
"Fading Away"
"Even if it takes forever to see
What happiness really means to me
I understand love will always be
in perfect harmony
between you and me
One day you will come to know
that no matter how far you may go
the joys and sorrows that we share
are just like the touch of your hair
which is full of tender care
Yet I can only say
this love for you will never decay
I love you every single day
and in every single way
And it pains me to see you fading away"
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Happy nerd day :)
I have been so beyond exhausted lately. I really just need a break. I'm barely home anymore and it's no bueno, mostly because I don't do so well without seeing my mom for long periods of time. Dependent? You bet I am. But really, my mom is my best friend. STORY TIME: Two days ago, my dad and I were talking about college at dinner because he had an appointment with my guidance councilor the next day to talk about scholarships/financial aid. I was telling him my big dreams: getting my undergrad in pre-med at U of A, then going out to graduate school for medicine on the east coast. He told me if I got offered a scholarship for my undergrad education out on the east coast, I should take it. I told him of course I would, no hesitation, but I don't know if I'd be ready to be so far from home at 18. Right then, I looked over at my mom and she had tears in her eyes. Naturally, that made me cry. So my mom and I are sitting at dinner, crying over the mere thought of being so far from each other. I'm so blessed to have such a close relationship with mi madre.
Monday, October 13, 2008
I have never read anything more beautiful.
“Dear love of mine. I once promised you I would never said I was nothing. It’s true, I am something, but only when I have you by my side. Neither of us is superior over the other. We are both equals; we are both one. We are two separate personalities that clash. I will always be who I am, but you seem to make everything inside of me click. Everything seems to work better when I’m with you. I try my hardest to give you everything of mine, for it’s you’re who I’ve connected myself to. Whether it will be good or bad for me in the end, I don’t really care. All the pain in the world could be inflicted upon me, even by you, and if in the end, you are with me again, I know that it was all worth it. You are the only person who I don’t use my brain to deal with, Sammi. I use my heart, and it alone sends me back to you. I need you. Always and forever, I will love you. Until we clash again.”
Remember that PostSecret I keep posting? "If I ever fall in love again and marry, my future husband is indebted to you. Thank you for being an incredible first love."
Sunday, October 12, 2008
:)
I think the reason I've been so frustrated with myself lately is because the only person who relates to everything I say lives across the country. I can't talk to anyone else the way I can talk to my BFF Stef G, and it's so hard being so far, especially during times of frustration.
I really have nothing else to say here, besides I miss my best friend so painfully much.